On Mistakes
It has been particularly difficult the past few weeks. I have had some minor surgery which has involved a few weeks of recovery and pain pills that make my thinking foggy. Followed by that, we have experienced the blizzard of 2010 here in Maryland and surrounding areas. We have no heat, no water (as we are on a power generated well) and it is cold.
We have a small generator into which we can plug a few things at a time, like my computer, my cell phone, our refrigerator and our electric fireplace. But, they cannot all be plugged in at once. We have three feet of snow outside and another foot on the way. It may be a week or more before we get our power turned back on, and it is cold.
You would think that the topic of my contemplation today would be on patience, and indirectly, it is. But today I am contemplating upon my ability to make mistakes, my recognition of that ability, and my need to forgive it.
When I was little, I would become terribly embarrassed when I made a mistake. I would berate myself and be most unforgiving of my errors. I was raised by a strict Catholic Sicilian family that knew how to impose discipline in a way that made me try in every way possible not to repeat any errors. I held on to this punitive way of dealing with my mistakes well into my adulthood.
Little did I realize that I was passing this punitive, unforgiving style of dealing with mistakes on to my own children as well as to those who I found worthy of my judgment, due to their inaccuracies and mistakes. Little did I realize that this fostered in me the need to put the other down so that I could see myself as a little better than the other, thereby surviving my own worst critic--myself--and all in the name of being a good Catholic!
But today was different. Today I was touched by grace as I had the opportunity to deal with a very important yet simple mistake.
In my last contemplation entitled "On Scarcity" I referred to the 23rd Psalm. This is truly one of my favorite psalms and brings me tremendous peace. However, I made a typo and referred to it as the 24th Psalm.
Now, in my youth and early adulthood, this would have been an error that would have caused me to lose sleep, my appetite and my confidence, but today, I received a very gracious email that simply informed me of my error and of the consequence that it might carry. This email was sent in love, and is included for your review under the comments portion of the entry "On Scarcity."
I was amazed at the gratitude I felt for being gently led, advised and supported through this email. Years ago I would have corrected my mistake, deleted the email, and prayed that not too many readers noticed. Really--would I have been able to fool myself into thinking my readers would not have noticed such an obvious mistake??
My point here is that as I contemplated on the many mistakes I have made in my life, I realized that I now view them with compassion for myself. So, I corrected the typo and sent a reply to the email with thanks and blessings. Then, I spent some time reading the following:
"From the time you were an infant, you were conditioned to value yourself only when people responded positively to you. You learned that your self worth was established externally. That was the fundamental error, which has perpetuated itself throughout your life."
(I am the Door, Paul Ferrini, page 179)
I contemplated these words and felt a rush of gratitude come over me. Why? Because I was not embarrassed by my mistake. I felt humble enough to accept my human nature, claim my mistake, correct it and go on. But, I did not feel the need to berate myself. "WOW" I thought to myself. "This is real spiritual growth!" I continued reading:
"In the process of healing, you learn to value yourself as you are, here and now, without conditions. Thus, you are "born again." or "reparented," not by other authority figures, but by the Source of Love inside yourself."
(I am the Door, Paul Ferrini, page 179)
I next felt gentle tears of joy streaming down my face. How good is God? How forgiving? How loving? How unconditional are His blessings upon us? How accepting of us? How supportive?
I realized that I am not defined by my mistakes nor by other's judgments or criticisms. I realized that I am not defined by my successes. If others find me wise or intelligent, that does not define me. If others find me inadequate in any way, that does not define me. The only real definition of who I am is that I am a child of God--spirit! If that is true, and I believe it is, then nothing else matters. I simply need to "be" what I am and leave the rest to God.
And so I prayed:
Dear God,
Thank you for taking the need to be perfect off of my shoulders because with it I can give up the need to judge or criticize my brother. Thank you for your love which allows me to be reborn, daily, in your kindness. Thank you for your protection, which protects me with your most holy shield from harsh, critical or unloving deed or actions. Thank you for guiding me, through my mistakes, back to the 23rd Psalm, and to revisit it for an even deeper meaning when I read: "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows". Amen, and again I say, Amen.
I ended up feeling pretty grateful for the mistake I made. I have learned a lot from it. If you have had similar situations or find it difficult to forgive yourself, I would be delighted to hear your story. I look forward to your comments. Until the next time, be blessed!
P.S. If there are typos in this blog, I apologize. Without heat my fingers are very cold and it is difficult to type. I hope you will overlook them and see, instead, the deeper meaning behind the message.
Posted by Rev. Barbara S. Eberle at 2/9/2010 10:36 AM 
Categories: Spiritual Contemplations
Tags: get Ordained Online Online Ordinations Spiritual Counseling A Course in Miracles Minister Seminary Spiritual Contemplations
Categories: Spiritual Contemplations
Tags: get Ordained Online Online Ordinations Spiritual Counseling A Course in Miracles Minister Seminary Spiritual Contemplations
Rev. Barbara:
Isn't it a beautiful feeling to be Free in Christ?!
Good message! And as I said, I was fearful that I was going to offend you by sharing the correction, but, I know that living in Christ means dealing with the struggle of fears of rejection. I was the same way, always worried about making a mistake, and I guess that is why I was worried about sending the email. I knew in my spirit that it was a matter of a finger hitting the wrong key. The correction was most definitely not about any pastoral mistake, just one that wanted to be sure that if someone who isn't familiar with the word will be able to reference the correct scripture.
Blessing to you and your family!
Love in Christ,
Suzanne
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